Maybe we got lost somewhere...

I found myself among the ranks of the heartbroken last night as I left California for New York. I knew it was coming. In my heart, I knew this Rob Thomas song that I kept hearing all summer would be our anthem. Too many of the lyrics just rang too true. Somewhere along the line we got lost.

He is too rational a thinker to get caught up in a romance based around phone calls, emails, and a week here or a week there. Things have to make sense for him. I was really hoping that I would make sense in his life and I really think I did for a while. We got caught up in a romance that took us both by surprise at a time when we both really needed each other. For the first half of our relationship he ignored the rational part of his brain and we both just got way so wrapped up in each other. I'm not the kind of person that plans their wedding when they don't even have a boyfriend or names their unborn children, but he brought all that craziness out in me. He was figuring out which furniture of ours we would use when we moved in together and including me in choosing his next duty station. We were at a point, after only a few short months, that we were planning our futures around each other when we should have just been enjoying the time together. He realized way before I did that we were moving way too fast. The logical part of his brain caught up with him eventually. He didn't say anything and when he finally did, he didn't know how to go back to where we were before.

It was a very teary goodbye on both parts and definitely not something I'll be able to shake for a while. He is not a man to wear his heart on his sleeve so seeing him cry really shook me up. All he could keep saying as he hugged me was "you're going to be fine". I have no doubt that I will be. I know I have great friends and family who will support me and I will land on my feet and be okay in the end. I'll just miss him more than I can say. I loved sharing my life with him. For 1 1/2 years he was my confidante and best friend. And now just like that, he's not there. It's horrible how breakups work like that. He wants to still be a part of my life and hear that I got in alright and made it to Virginia and that I havegood students in my classes. I'm not built like that though. Maybe down the road a friendship will make sense with him, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. I will miss him with all my heart, but I need to do what's best for me. So here starts Day 1 of JC detox. Wish me luck on the last endeavor I ever wished to embark on...